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How To Date When You're Not So Straight

Related Articles. Article Summary. Method 1 of Look for LGBT community events. Search online to see if there are any LGBT community center or pride events in your area.

Even if there's nothing that official, you can use sites like meetup. If you are not fully out, attend events in neighboring towns where you are less likely to run into someone you know.

Talk to lesbians you already know. This doesn't need to be someone you know well, or that you're attracted to. A coworker, friend of a friend, former classmate — any local, out lesbian can introduce you to the LGBT community in your area, or recommend lesbian-friendly places to hang out.

Show up at a lesbian bar. If you're lucky enough to live in a place where LGBT people can gather openly, take advantage of it.

This is a nerve wracking step for many newly out or semi-closeted lesbians, but gather up your confidence and get out there. If your town doesn't have a lesbian-specific bar, visit the gay bar to see if it attracts a wider LGBT clientele.

If you're not interested in a party or hookup scene, show up on a weekday evening. The atmosphere will be more relaxed and friendly conversation will be easier.

Straight bars are rarely a good place to look for same-sex dates. Attend concerts. Look for bands with a large lesbian fan base performing in your area.

Note that this doesn't just mean bands with LGBT musicians although it helps. If you think that lead singer is attractive, you're probably not alone.

Spend more time socializing. You don't need to attend a rainbow-themed roller derby club to meet other lesbians. The more time you spend in social activities, the better the chance of meeting people who catch your interest.

Whether it's attending classes at a community center or joining a sports team, picking up a hobby is a great way to meet like-minded people. Even just starting conversations at the gym or getting to know progressive coworkers can help you make friends, and potentially something more.

Small towns may only have one or two locations where LGBT people are comfortable meeting openly. In that case, it may be easier to make your first connections with that community online or through LGBT events.

Go out to places on your own sometimes instead of always going out with friends. You're more likely to be approached by someone if you're by yourself.

Learn to drop the hint. Misconstrued signals are a perennial problem for lesbians trying to date in straight spaces, especially for people who fall more on the femme side of the spectrum.

If you don't want to spend an evening becoming a straight girl's new friend, you'll have to muster up some confidence and make it obvious what you're there for.

Make a casual reference to an ex-girlfriend or a comment about how you'd love to date that hot, female celebrity.

Mention an LGBT event you attended, and see whether she reacts positively. Volunteering at activist meetings and charity events is a great way to become involved in the LGBT community.

You get to work for organizations that represent your values, and meet other lesbians at the same time. Find your comfort level when dating from the closet.

It is much more difficult to date another lesbian if your sexuality is a secret. Besides the scarcity of comfortable opportunities to signal your intent, many lesbians in LGBT-friendly areas are not interested in a closeted relationship.

If coming out would risk your safety or the health of important relationships in your life, or if you're just not ready, think carefully about the level of public disclosure you are willing to make.

A few options include: Coming out to close friends who are unlikely to spread the word back to your family and coworkers. Traveling to neighboring towns where you can be open in public with a lower chance of seeing someone you know.

Discreet online dating, as described below. This can be a great way to expand your comfort zone. Method 2 of Figure out what you're looking for.

For many newly out or closeted lesbians, online dating is their first opportunity to feel accepted, flirt, and overcome introversion about their sexuality.

Maybe that's all your looking for, maybe you're looking for casual sex, or maybe you're interested in long-term romantic relationships. Think about your comfort level and what your goals are before you enter the digital dating world.

Choose a dating service. The LGBT online dating scene has grown tremendously in the past ten years. Here are a few of the more popular sites and apps: LGBT-specific: Her lesbian-only dating and social networking , Chemistry.

Hinge seems to tailor results for LGBT people better than other "swipe" apps. Protect your privacy. Online dating has its perils, so don't take chances.

Keep your personal information private, use a free email without your real name, and meet up with strangers in public locations.

In addition, if you are not out to everyone in your life, take extra steps to prevent nosy employers or family members from finding you.

Use our search tools to find new friends. Search by age, gender, location, interests, or just by keyword. You can keep your friendship strictly online, or when you feel safe and comfortable, arrange to meet in person.

We provide tips and tools to help you keep in touch with your friends- a blog with inspirational friendship stories and tips, speed-friending networking events - because life is busy and we want to help!

What others are saying:. FSView and Florida Flambeau. FriendMatch is an online service to help you meet real new friends, from your neighborhood or from around the world.

Types of Friends: Exercise partners, couple friends, new parents groups, book clubs, dinner party clubs, just someone to have coffee with and talk about life…etc.

To help men and women worldwide to make new friends. In a FriendMatch world, friends gather for brunches, book clubs, or just to hang out.

Couples host cheerful dinner parties and runners all have running partners. We motivate and inspire each other, we are happier and healthier to share our experiences.

As a leading lesbian dating site, we successfully bring together women from around the world. Thousands of happy women have met their soul mates on PinkCupid and have shared their stories with us.

Check out the many success stories here. For a fun, safe and uniquely lesbian dating experience, join free today.

Send a message or interest to start communicating with members. It's your time to shine. We promise to keep your information safe and will never post or share anything on your Facebook page.

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Meet lesbian friends online

We provide tips and tools to help you keep in touch with your friends- a blog with inspirational friendship stories and tips, speed-friending networking events - because life is busy and we want to help!

What others are saying:. FSView and Florida Flambeau. FriendMatch is an online service to help you meet real new friends, from your neighborhood or from around the world.

Types of Friends: Exercise partners, couple friends, new parents groups, book clubs, dinner party clubs, just someone to have coffee with and talk about life…etc.

To help men and women worldwide to make new friends. In a FriendMatch world, friends gather for brunches, book clubs, or just to hang out.

Couples host cheerful dinner parties and runners all have running partners. We motivate and inspire each other, we are happier and healthier to share our experiences.

No one is lonely because in a FriendMatch world, you can look beyond your usual circles to find a friend that really understands you. Sign Up for Free Member Login.

Make Friends Online Find new friends based on common interests, location, age and more. Volunteering at activist meetings and charity events is a great way to become involved in the LGBT community.

You get to work for organizations that represent your values, and meet other lesbians at the same time. Find your comfort level when dating from the closet.

It is much more difficult to date another lesbian if your sexuality is a secret. Besides the scarcity of comfortable opportunities to signal your intent, many lesbians in LGBT-friendly areas are not interested in a closeted relationship.

If coming out would risk your safety or the health of important relationships in your life, or if you're just not ready, think carefully about the level of public disclosure you are willing to make.

A few options include: Coming out to close friends who are unlikely to spread the word back to your family and coworkers.

Traveling to neighboring towns where you can be open in public with a lower chance of seeing someone you know. Discreet online dating, as described below.

This can be a great way to expand your comfort zone. Method 2 of Figure out what you're looking for. For many newly out or closeted lesbians, online dating is their first opportunity to feel accepted, flirt, and overcome introversion about their sexuality.

Maybe that's all your looking for, maybe you're looking for casual sex, or maybe you're interested in long-term romantic relationships.

Think about your comfort level and what your goals are before you enter the digital dating world. Choose a dating service. The LGBT online dating scene has grown tremendously in the past ten years.

Here are a few of the more popular sites and apps: LGBT-specific: Her lesbian-only dating and social networking , Chemistry.

Hinge seems to tailor results for LGBT people better than other "swipe" apps. Protect your privacy. Online dating has its perils, so don't take chances.

Keep your personal information private, use a free email without your real name, and meet up with strangers in public locations.

In addition, if you are not out to everyone in your life, take extra steps to prevent nosy employers or family members from finding you.

Most sites allow you to hide your profile until you've agreed to accept communications from someone, but this option makes it harder to make connections.

Ok Cupid has an "I don't want to be seen by straight people" checkbox in the privacy settings. Chances are good that your straight friends won't be browsing an LGBT-only dating site.

Just make sure the profile doesn't show up when you google your name. Be clear about what you're looking for. Unfortunately, there is a minor plague of straight women contacting lesbians for a threesome with their boyfriend.

Forestall some of this — and make your intentions clear to other lesbians — with a clear, direct description in your bio.

Yes, you should talk to her. Lesbians are people too. It's not like they have the plague or something. Not Helpful 14 Helpful There's no exact way to tell if she's a lesbian, lesbians are just like everybody else; but you could bring it up casually, like asking about her "boyfriend".

If she's says she isn't attracted to males, then bingo, but if she's says she wants one, you may be out of luck unless she's bisexual.

It'd best to bring it up casually. Not Helpful 6 Helpful If you want a less direct approach, you could try downloading a lesbian dating app like the HER app or something similar.

Not Helpful 3 Helpful Ask her. If you know the girl well enough, just bring it up in conversation.

If you've only just met, hint at the fact that you are, then try to bring it up later on. Not Helpful 8 Helpful If you are a woman and you're attracted exclusively to women, then you're a lesbian.

If you're also attracted to men, you're probably bisexual. You have to determine for yourself what attracts you. Not Helpful 11 Helpful Telling her will probably make things awkward for a while, but assuming she's not homophobic that should pass if you give her a little space.

The alternative is often more awkward, if you're obsessing over her and having trouble acting normal.

As for how to tell her, just be direct and honest. Don't make it sound like you're hitting on her, and explain that you needed to clear the air.

If she doesn't know you're gay yet, come out to her and leave the rest for another conversation. Not Helpful 5 Helpful What if I'm a young person and I'm not allowed to get dating apps?

And my family doesn't know I'm lesbian? What if I like one of my close friends? Do I tell them I'm lesbian and that I like them?

We're just saying what they're best for. Happy ice breaking. Language is inclusive, they aren't advertised to be like the typical male fantasy, and they'll help you widen your dating pool beyond the circles you already know IRL.

These are the Tinders , Bumbles , and other mainstream dating apps of the world that started out for straight folks but that have made surprisingly large strides in being successful resources for queer women or men, for that matter too.

There's obviously still a lot of work to do when it comes to inclusivity, but we're pretty proud of how far the online dating market has come in the past few years.

They still have their flaws, but it's a step in the right direction. We're excited to see how dating apps for women, transwomen, lesbians, and nonbinary people continue to evolve in years to come.

After all, love is love. We're using cookies to improve your experience. Find out more. Like Follow. Image: HER. The Good. HER HER is the award-winning mix of dating and social media that lets you meet girls you know are girls.

Price: Free See Details. The gist: Apps like Tinder and Bumble are technically for all sexual orientations — so why are they still giving you male matches when you've specified you only want women?

Swiping through all of that is way too much work, and it shouldn't have to be like that. Claiming to the be the app that "introduces you to every lesbian you've ever wanted to meet," HER is the award-winning mix of dating and social media that lets you meet girls you know are girls, as it requires a Facebook for signup and is solely for lesbian, bisexual, and queer women.

It was also created by queer women, for queer women, which is glorious. The setup: HER has a minimalist layout that encourages users to, you know, talk to each other rather than just creeping.

While more intense dating sites will have you fill out a huge questionnaire, HER only asks for the bare minimum so that if you want to find out more about a person, you'll have to ask.

Instead of seeing one profile at a time and swiping, you'll be shown a collage of nearby women and can start playing from there. But don't worry, they give tips for that.

Side note: We totally encourage you to read Sheets' whole story. Why it works: Aside from the obvious reason that it's one of the only dating apps specifically for lesbians and queer women without being some gross sexualized thing?

Requiring Facebook to register solves one of the main issues that comes along with online dating as a lesbian: Desperate men posing as women, attempting to do Eliminating fake and scammer profiles that often pop up on hookup apps gives a heightened sense of security, and makes HER much more inviting to women who may have shied away before.

Even if you're not looking for a relationship, HER is just a great place to make friends in your area if you are at capacity with straight friends.

Another refreshing aspect is that HER is so much more than a hookup app, and doesn't even put on the pressure to find a romantic partner.

The bad news: We have seen a few women mention that HER's reputation for being a "relationship app" has gotten so overbearing that it feels like your feed is just full of women complaining about being single.

But this is probably dependent on your location, and we think that the good totally outweighs the bad here.

The cost: HER is free to download and there are no in-app purchases. Image: fem. Fem Fem stands out by encouraging users to submit video, so you're better protected from catfishing.

The gist: Being catfished is one of the most common horror stories across all online dating platforms, but is especially an issue for lesbians with creepy men lurking and trying to pass as women.

No thanks. While requiring a Facebook approval is one way to combat the straight men, another way is to require a video instead of pictures, which is the unique route that Fem takes.

The setup: Fem encourages users to introduce themselves with video profiles as way to be personal right off the bat and you'll get to hear their voice before meeting IRL, which is a nice touch.

Some of us are too shy for videos raises hand , so Fem doesn't require it, and you can just post your best selfies instead.

As of now, it's pretty foolproof. Aside from the video aspect, Fem has most of the average features that you'd expect on any dating app and operates about the same, so there's no weird learning curve.

Why it works: The videos. Fem also has a unique tool called "Rooms" where users can chat in a variety of different groups, send selfies, or talk about some deep shit.

Being a lesbian can be lonely, especially if you're not out yet or are having a time making non-straight friends, and Fem gives an awesome opportunity to expand your circle and meet women with similar experiences.

The bummers: Because it's relatively new and has experienced some technical difficulties, Fem has a small user database and doesn't show people based on location, so women you meet might not be from your area.

The cost: Fem is free to download and there are no in-app purchases. Image: OKcupid. OkCupid With its matching technology and large dating pool, OkCupid is great for queer women.

The gist: Our favorite of the non lesbian-specific options, OkCupid has truly upped its queer game in the last few years.

As one of the biggest dating apps in America with extensive user profiles, OKCupid gives you a large dating pool and offers opportunities to find a lasting connection.

The setup: Similar to traditional players like eharmony or Match , OKCupid has in-depth user bios and sets of questions, making the setup process slower than its counterparts.

What's great about this though is that you can be more sure that you're connecting over more than just thinking the other person is hot. It does use swiping like Tinder , but you have a lot more to go off of than just their picture and a quote from The Office as a bio.

OkCupid is a more serious space, and most users are genuinely using their bios to attract lasting connections.

One thing that makes OkCupid more relationship-y is that matches are shown based on the percentage of things you had in common in the questions you answered — aka it doesn't just show you every random person in your vicinity who happens to have the same page liked on Facebook.

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